This is me and these are my scars. August 2010, on vacation, Greece.
I’m recovering from self harm and these are my scars. They’re there. They’re visible. They always will be and I know that. I can’t go back and undo my mistakes. I used to hide my scars, always. I used to be so ashamed, I felt so ugly and disgusted with myself. People who say self harmers do it for attention? You have no idea of how far we go to cover it up, to conceal the truth, to keep it a secret, to keep it from you.
I regretted my mistakes for years. You know what that does to you? It makes you bitter. It makes you sad. It makes you lonely and miserable. It makes you push people away because you’re so ashamed. Everything hurts. Breathing hurts, living hurts, existing hurts and what hurts the most - to go on. To keep breathing, to keep living.
But you know what? I’m still me. I always have been. My skin might be damaged and yes, it’s self inflicted - but what difference does it make? The people who love me, they love me for me. Flaws doesn’t make them love me any less. My scars are a part of me. My scars made me who I am. People who can’t handle that - they’re free to leave. Friends who left? I let them leave. If I’m not good enough for them because I cut, that’s not my loss.
That’s shallow. Everyone has flaws. Everyone has a story. If people want to judge me based on how I look, go ahead. Are you perfect? Are you sure about that? Have you never done anything in your life you wish you could go back and change? Are you flawless? Really?
Because I’m not, and I know that.